I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
