Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
