Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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