About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
