You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
