Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
