Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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