I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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