all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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