i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
