Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
