Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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