she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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