Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just pee around me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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