I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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