I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
