Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
