"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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