wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
