You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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