saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
