I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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