dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
