Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize