Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
