We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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