Little spoons don't ask big questions
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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