you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
