Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
