You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
