You can't special order awesome
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
