can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
