She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize