I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
