Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize