I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
