So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
