last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
