Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
