I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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