I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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