Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
