My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
