Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
