She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
