She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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