Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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