Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
