I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize