Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
