The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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