She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize