He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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