he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
