At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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