Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
