omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
