Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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