Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
