My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my being single is dangerous.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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