i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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