i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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