I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
