K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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