I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
