Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
