Cold hands, warm shart.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
