I wanna bring you to show and tell
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you told grandpa to call you daddy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize