call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize