your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
