So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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