I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
