i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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