My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
