Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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