i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
