I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
