big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
