Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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