omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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