I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
