dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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