as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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