u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So apparently I’m into choking now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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