yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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