the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he puts the penis in happiness.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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