Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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