We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
