you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She even gives head with a lisp.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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