I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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