he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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