So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
People in love make me want to vomit
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
