What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
