I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
