As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
