Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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