Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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