if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
don't judge my taste in strippers
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
