It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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