I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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