DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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