my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
