i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
