I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
