I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize