He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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