we have officially lost it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
