I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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