Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
