Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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