Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
